“PARENTING 101” By Pastor YAU
If parents were surveyed, asked of the question: “Tell us your personal feeling of being parents?” I am sure there will be thousands of different answers depending on his or her personal experiences. Some may say, “Well it is never an easy job to be parents, but it is the best and most exciting and rewarding experience of life.” Others may tell you, “Oh boy, if I just knew at the beginning things would turn out this way, I will never have any children.”
Doing the jobs of parenting is unlike doing any other job which you have rules, steps, procedures to follow, and you may well expect or predict the results if you just follow the menu. But parenting is so unpredictable because we are handling people and molding lives. No one, except God, may predict what or how our children will turn out to be.
SOME UNCONSCIOUS MISTAKES PARENTS MADE:
Many parents encounter problems because they have taken some erroneous stands in parenting. Here are some of the more serious ones:
1) IDEALISE THE ROLE OF PARENTING: These parents have strong sense of responsibility of being parents. They believe in: if I be GOOD parents, my kids will be GOOD kids. So, they do all the IDEAL things, hoping their kids will be IDEAL as well. They will work very hard to provide all their kids need, making sure by doing that, their kids will be the best they can be. And the results, not always turn out the right way.
2) IDOLIZE THEIR KIDS: Too many parents allow their kids to be the idols or the center of life. Everything they plan, do, in their mind are ALL for the kids. They will sacrifice money, time, efforts and even their attention and love just to make sure their kids are happy. They are being control by their kids instead of taking control of their kids. Kid grow up in this environment believe they are the center of the world, and all others are there to cater to their needs.
3) “IT IS ALL MY FAULT”: These parents will blame themselves if their kids fall, fail or stumble into trouble. They feel guilty on their failure of their kids. While there are facts that parents do play important role in the upbringing of kids, many good parents just can’t get their kids to do right. King David, Prophet Eli are just 2 examples that good parents is no guarantee of good kids.
4) “EVERYTHING IS OVER.”: Some parents will feel like it is the end of the world when their kids don’t do thing to meet their expectations: making the grades they expect, be selected into a certain special program or accepted to some prestigious school and so on. They feel like all hopes of their kids are gone. The fact is kids have different talents, different strength and weaknesses, and not all will do well in all things.
WHAT IS PARENTING LIKE?
It is impossible to list all the possible similarities of being parents, there are a few that come close:
1) Parenting is like signing a LIMITED GUARENTEE agreement: While there are guarantees in the document, there are also CONDITIONS in which the guarantee will be void. Many of the conditions are beyond your knowledge or control. Raising kids is pretty much like that. We all know that good parents may lay good foundations for their kids. But they have no control what the kids will build on that good foundation.
2) Parenting is also like PLAY A SPORT: you win some and lose some, and be happy in the wins and be gracious in the losses. Do not blame anyone or anything. Life is never a perfect game. Do your best and leave the rest to the LORD.
3) Parenting is also like teaching a CLASS: Some of the kids are better than others, faster in learning, easier to teach and sweeter to be with. Many parents expect ALL their kids will do ALL they want them to do and bring in ALL the SAME results. While you need to love all your kids, leave room for their differences.
4) Parenting is like DATING: We all agree that you can never FORCE anyone to love you, but we all believe we can FORCE a kid to be good kid. That just won’t work. Good kids are not forced to be. They need many supports, but not force. They need to feel important, loved, respected and they need freedom. Show them your love and care. Spend time to know their feelings and needs. Set boundaries and consequences. The list goes on and on. Use your imagination and wisdom.
CONCLUSION: Parents never stop parenting. You are needed when your kids are 3 years old or 33 years old. There is NO limit what a parent can do to their kids. Be there always for them. Loving, kind, and always forgiving are some of the qualities all parents need to have whatever stage your parenting may be. They will bring you hope and joy in parenting.